Coping with Colorful Characters, Clowns and Charlatans, An Amazon Bestseller
While it’s true that good-looking people are attracted to other good-looking people, so are colorful characters, clowns and charlatans. Stinky tackles more than his share of such folk in Volume 2 including a prep school headmaster who prefers naps to academics, a fabulously wealthy, four-times widowed woman (don’t be sad – they all died happy) who styles herself the “People’s Princess” of the arts, several of her proletariat protégées, all of whose artistic endeavors are of questionable taste, a purveyor of technologically advanced underwear plus assorted thugs, a hopeless romantic whose head looks like a joint project by Brancusi and Braque and a sexually adventurous…sorry, that could be any of the ones already mentioned.
The stories in Volume 2 are chronological from the characters’ point of view, but the volumes aren’t sequential. In other words, Stinky and Eddie are younger at the beginning of Volume 2 than they were at the end of Volume 1. It’s not meant to be confusing. Check out the chronological sequence on the “Stories” page.
All Volume 2 stories and Volume 2 are Amazon bestsellers, available on Amazon Kindle. Click on the link for a preview.
“Stinky’s Snail Male Delivers”
Trouble knocks when Stinky’s grandparents pay him an unexpected overnight visit and are surprised when a muscular man wearing only boxers answers their grandson’s door. Eddie can’t catch a break with the starchy, elder Carters until they go to a fancy French restaurant. When Lucy was in Paris she famously ordered snails and was promptly sent to the Bastille for smothering them with ketchup, but Grandmother Carter’s escargots cause more trouble than a week’s worth of Lucy reruns.
“The Stinky Prize”
When you are the principal of a small firm in its second month of operation, you don’t turn your nose up at an opportunity, even if it smells like disaster. Stinky’s biggest client, measured by the size and number of her pearls, asks Stinky to judge an essay contest at a venerable prep school. Stinky agrees, even though he doesn’t take it seriously, but when bribes and threats start pouring in, he has to be on guard. He discovers that doing the right thing is even more difficult than refusing an expensive pair of earrings that would look stunning on his mother, but other than possibly giving the school’s Loch Ness Monster some indigestion, Stinky finds a way to be fair when he finally distributes deserved rewards and punishments.
“A Stinky Night at the Opera”
Mrs. Worthington is Stinky’s biggest client , so when she asks Stinky for a favor, he listens. She needs his help to reach an agreement with a creative, audience-challenged director/impresario in “Stinky and the Impresario,” and in “A Stinky Night at the Opera” he leans on Stinky to help his prima donna deal with the IRS. If tax troubles weren’t enough, the volatile soprano isn’t buying the impresario’s radical interpretation of Carmen as a deep cover KGB spy and Stinky is soon sucked in deeper than the IRS’s mailbox on April 15. Will the diva break more bric-a-brac, break her contract or break box office records? It’s a bumpy night (bumps and grinds, actually) when the diva fastens something more interesting than a seat belt at the dress rehearsal. Will the fat lady sing? Read on.
Curtain opener “Stinky and the Impresario” is included with the feature presentation, “A Stinky Night at the Opera.”
“Eddie’s Painful Decision”
Eddie isn’t worried about the bullet that whizzed through his chest. Sure it hurts, but the doctor told him he’ll be fine. Deciding where to recuperate has him almost paralyzed. His mother, Stinky’s mother and Stinky are fighting for the right to play nurse and unlike Gaul, he doesn’t want to be divided in three parts. Whatever he decides, he’ll disappoint two of his nearest and dearest and Irish guilt and Eddie were pals long before he met Stinky.
To add to his torment he seems to have organized a citywide peace movement while he was under a lot of pain medication, one of the nurses is collecting serious coin (for charity) from nurses and aides who want to attend to his personal needs, and Stinky can’t help offering unsolicited advice to the patient in the next bed. Hospitals are never relaxing and even less so when Stinky takes charge.
“Stinky and the Artrepreneur”
Stinky is wary of meeting an old college chum. Stinky loaned him some money before the senior dance to finance the demise of the lad’s virginity and in the intervening years Stinky has no idea what happened to his money or Dogface. Mostly, he’s worried that the so-called “serial entrepreneur” wants capital for his latest scheme.
True, Dogface is trying to light a fire under his new candle business, but what he really wants is for Stinky to help him find his lost love. She was an artist; he was a business major and she’s the only girl he ever met who can look at a sunset and enjoy its beauty. The kind of girl he usually dates uses the fading light to calculate the size of the hotel she could build on the beach to monetize the view. Sigh.
“Stinky and the Coq d’Or“
Stinky has the choice of losing his career or Eddie’s esteem when he’s charged with awarding a prize to the “Most Inappropriate” entry at a local arts festival. He discovers that tastelessness has no limit when an artist goes off his meds. Will he save his career and walk past a tent brimming with the most inappropriate canvases ever to be touched by a brush? If he saves his career can he save Eddie’s esteem? Would Beethoven really do something that nasty with his ear trumpet? Read on.
Special bonus story: “‘Tis the Season to be Stinky”
Will Stinky ever learn to stick to Diet Coke when attentive servers hover near his bent elbow? Not in this short, short tale. A crowded holiday brawl isn’t much fun when the boys are targeted by belles wanting to be jingled. Hideous Christmas sweaters and mangled carols ensue to Eddie’s dismay.
“A Stinky Accusation”
Eddie takes charge when Stinky’s mother reads an article in a women’s magazine and fears that her husband is cheating. Eddie trusts Father Carter, but goes over the evidence with a professional eye, Mother Carter heads for the animal shelter to adopt the fifteen cats she needs to usher in the sad, later chapter of her life and Stinky is willing to believe the worst, thinking that people will understand him better once word gets around that he’s the product of a broken home. It looks bad when Father Carter refuses to explain why he smells of acetone and develops a midlife fondness for orange sweaters, but luckily he has Eddie in his corner.