Stinky by Birth or Marriage: A Fragrant Bouquet of Stinky Stories, Volume 6, an Amazon Bestseller
As far as Trouble is concerned, all roads lead to Stinky. Trouble can walk through his office door when a tomato with a tight dress and loose past sends him into a fantasy world where he’s a hard-boiled, noir detective in search of a fedora. A prominent client might ask him to assess the viability of an historic home, chiefly known for the various people who died in each room. Stinky’s decision tree always includes the question, “Is it billable?” and if it is, he’s on top of it. Or astride it. Or adjacent to it. He’ll try, anyhow.
Trouble can walk through the wide doors of his church when a budget crunch leads to a desperate plan to add Stinky to the roster of speakers for an endowed lecture series. Let’s just say that if you have a chance to go to an event that involves “inter-species sonics,” find something else to do. Anything else.
Stinky’s large family offers many open doors for Trouble. His mother might hire an incompetent guru to deal with her daughter’s sudden weight gain and subject the entire clan to Leete’s Island granite and guano wraps. His cousins might form a conspiracy to find Christmas gifts he’ll actually enjoy. Sometimes, they arrive in large numbers and run out of beds. They might invite themselves to spend the night during a power outage or decide “the more the merrier” and over stuff the cottage. They say a man’s home is his castle, but castles are often under siege.
Stalwart Eddie has learned that living with Stinky means that Trouble also has his number on speed dial. He isn’t pleased to find himself part of the Exotic Crime Unit, seeking the perpetrator of a series of seemingly random pranks. Eddie isn’t even safe when he’s asleep. When he dreams he’s an Irish-Arabian prince he has trouble coping with an evil magician and two treacherous genies. Just when he thinks he’s got a handle on things, his mother shows up with her own wish list and it looks like he’s the only one in his own dream who isn’t going to get any wishes granted.
As in all the Stinky Stories, a happy ending is only a few pages away. Somehow Trouble has to step aside as crafty Stinky finds a way to right wrongs, salvage reputations, plug budget holes or find a place to sleep, when even the stable is booked. If he could just figure out whether a baseball game has innings or chukkers, he’d be all set.
An Amazon bestseller crammed with Amazon bestsellers, Stinky by Birth or Marriage, Volume 6,” includes a bonus story, “Stinky and the Great Blizzard.” Don’t expect even a flurry of gratitude when you invite power-challenged relatives for the night.
“Stinky Carter, P.I.”
She’s the kind of dame who attracts trouble the way Black Friday attracts bargain hunters. She needs to burnish her tarnished reputation and whether he’s a shamus or a shyster, Stinky is the man for the job.
Disguised as a nerdy graduate student he goes on a wild chase searching for the truth. Inside those CVS reading glasses and Salvation Army hoodie there’s a tough as nails private dick—in his dreams anyway.
“Eddie and Willy Coyote”
The police are happy to look the other way when pompous civic leaders are taken down a peg, but when the perpetrator crosses a line they have to take action. Some say that crime doesn’t pay, but no one says it can’t be a lot of fun. Could Stinky’s nonsensical musings actually turn out to be insightful? Read on.
“Stinky and the Rogue Guru”
Stinky’s sister is gaining weight and her mother is concerned. Alicia Carter plans a “relaxing spa weekend” at the shore to lead her daughter back to the path of healthy living. It’s anything but relaxing when the food is inedible, the guru is vague about basic yoga, and family members agree they would rather go bald than endure bull semen hair treatments.
Eddie’s discovery means that Stinky has to get his hands dirty to restore peace and harmony. Om.
“Stinky and the Sorrowful Psalmist”
Stinky accepts a confidential engagement to assess the viability of a faded historic home. It was the residence of a long forgotten Victorian poet and the tour is a litany of which family member died in each room.
The place has a long history of bored visitors. Over tea Herman Melville might have noticed stifled yawns when he told of his plans to write a three thousand page book about a white whale. No wonder Edgar Allen Poe enhanced his tea with a shot. Stinky always goes the extra mile for a client, and when he stumbles onto some interesting facts about the Sorrowful Psalmist, he sees a brighter future for her reputation.
“Eddie’s 1,002nd Arabian Night”
Al-Eddie-din is kind but naive and finds that two genies are two more than he can handle. Stinkybad, the Jinni of the Skunk is dazzling and crafty, while Sylvania, the Afrit of the Lamp is as dim as his old oil lamp. As if things weren’t going badly enough, his mother appears demanding a palace and it looks like Al-Eddie-din is the only person in 1,002 Arabian Nights who won’t get even one wish.
“The Stinky Lecture Series”
Stinky’s church needs to cut expenses and they enlist Stinky and other members of the parish as speakers for an endowed lecture series instead of flying people in from distant shores. Many at St. Stephen’s are “locovores” and prefer locally grown produce, but the decision to become “locobores” and listen to local, boring speakers satisfies the letter, but not the spirit of the bequest. Plucky Stinky manages to salvage the ensuing disaster, but you’ll have to read on to discover the delights and dangers of inter-species sonics.
“A Stinky Christmas Story”
Cousin Carol thinks of a clever plan to help the family shop for impossible to please Stinky. This puts Eddie on the trail of an elusive ornament for Stinky’s special tree. If he can’t snag one, he fears that the perfect Christmas he planned will be just another holiday.
“Too Many Stinky Relatives”
Stinky’s father invites his brother’s family for a weekend at the shore, not knowing the place is already oversubscribed. With the carriage house booked; even the Holy Family couldn’t get a room.
Stinky’s mother shuffles everyone to different rooms and doubles up couples, but trouble lurks when drowsy people return to the wrong beds. A poke in the butt awakens Stinky’s cousin. He’s surprised to find his bed is overcrowded even though his wife is missing. Wouldn’t you be?